Great sadness

I have been sick this week. Unfortunately I was not spared like I thought I had been, and ended up getting what everyone in the house has had over the last few weeks. So, I haven't posted anything this week, though I actually do have posts to put up. Last night I was feeling a little better in the sick and energy department and planned to add photos to a post I wrote at lunch (since I knew I wouldn't have energy to write and do photos last night - I had hoped this would help)... but as I sat there last night, I just couldn't do it. My energy and my thoughts were elsewhere. And I wanted them to be there and only there, focused on just one thing.

Late yesterday afternoon, as some of you may know, brought news that hit hard. I struggle as I write this, because it's so hard to adequately put into words the feelings you have sometimes. This is about my close friend Jen and her family, more specifically her absolutely perfect sweet little boy Matthew, who are family even though we are not related.

You see, yesterday it was confirmed that a spot on Matthew's liver was indeed "the disease" - cancer. Spread down from his brain cancer by his shunt most likely. Given that his platelets have not recovered, there are not many treatment options for them, though they will search. Which means along with this horrendous news, they also are tasked with decisions that NO parent should have to make.

On vacation in Florida just last week... seriously, isn't he the cutest?

As we all sit on the sidelines wanting to take all the hard tackles for them... and grieving for them and grieving period about a horrible disease that needs a cure... we wonder how we can help. How we can take away the pain and remove this horrible disease from Matthew. How we can rewrite the outcome yesterday or even the outcome three years ago this month when a tumor first presented. What we should say, what we shouldn't say. What we should do, what we shouldn't do. Praying for that magical miracle that rewrites Matthew's story.

I don't know the answers, much less what to say. I have no idea actually. I am heartbroken for them. I am heartbroken for Matthew. And I feel great sadness. Mind paralyzing sadness. And it breaks my heart more when I think how this must feel to Jen and Jeremie right now. Or yesterday. Or three years ago.

Enjoying dinner at the family tradition spot last week on vacation - what a beautiful happy family.

Today I want to share a bit of his story with all of you, like I have done some before. Because they are family, because I love them so dearly, and because I want you all to embrace them in your hearts. Help them through this journey and pray for a miracle - they do happen. I believe.

Here is Matthew's site - please visit, follow it and embrace him in your heart. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewbarr/

Jen, I know you will read this post at some point and I hope it is okay. I hope you know just how much you mean to me. Just how lucky I feel to have you, Matthew, Jeremie and Darren in our lives. And how I would do anything in the world within my power for each of you. As James Taylor sang - You've got a friend. Just call out my name and I'll come running (just so you know, I'm not going to wait for you to call out my name... I'm there regardless). I love all you and you are in my thoughts, heart and prayers every moment.