I did a brave thing on Saturday, I took all three kids to the grocery store by myself. Okay, it could also be classified as stupid too. However, Grandpa Ron was coming to visit and we did not have the staple item that he would want upon arrival, a fifth of Jack. Just kidding, I've never even seen him drink hard alcohol, I just wanted to see if you were really reading this. Actually what we didn't have was diet soda, a must for Grandpa Ron. Steve was not home and I thought: "what the heck, it's been a while, surely they'll be fine. I only need a few items after all."
Here's the thing, the twins are not fans of the double seat grocery carts. Specifically they both try to fall out of them. Not even try to get out, by unlatching themselves, more they try to lean over and fall out while whining and crying. To add to this, Oliver is not a fan of stopping - at any time. Which is unfortunate since I occasionally cannot run by the shelf and grab the needed item, but instead have to stop the cart and look. Naturally, when your child is screaming at the top of his lungs, it takes forever to locate that one blasted item that normally you can locate right away without issue. Not to mention that while I am frantically scanning the shelves, Collin is loading up the cart unbeknownst to me. Actually, this particular day, I was tipped off by his loading of the cart since Ethan insisted on riding in the cart area and therefore was being pelted by incoming product that Collin was lobbing into the cart quickly (so I wouldn't see it) and with great force.
I even tried to run back and forth by the areas that contained the desired products, so as to not stop and upset Oliver and also not give Collin a chance to load the cart, all while I was scanning the shelf at every pass for the needed item. Unfortunately, the cart is twice as long as a normal cart and maneuverability is not key a feature, so it didn't go so well. I'm sure those of who where not in my path thought it was hilarious to watch though.
Are you starting to form a visual of all this? This is what people saw: one screaming tear stained red faced completely melting down child, one child happily lobbing food into the cart that his older brother was lounging in and that said older brother is yelling "OUCH! STOP THAT!", all while the frantic crazy-eyed, profusely sweating, singing, dancing, trying to say soothing things, while catching flying product, mom is attempting to find those few fricking items she needs. It was a lovely trip.
Yes, I tried talking to Oliver softly and kissing him, it didn't work. I tried letting him look at the fish tanks (pet variety), which happen to border the main aisle of the store we went to, but that only appeased him until we left, at which point the screaming resumed AND went up a few more decibels. I tried having Ethan make him laugh or distract him, which he graciously tried do do, but Oliver had nothing of it. I tried taking off his hat and coat to make him more comfortable, based on his screaming "NOOOOO!!!!!" I determined that was not a good idea. I even gave him something to hold: a can of black beans. Let's just say there is now a rather large dent in the floor where those hit (hey, I was stressed... I wasn't thinking). I tried singing and dancing for him, just as he normally likes it, very silly and animated (trust me, you lose many things when you become a mother, pride in some senses in one), he was not amused as he normally is. It was all futile.
To all of you who gave me "the look" - you know who you are - I invite you to try it. It's likely you don't have children or if you do it's just one, which is a far cry from three... specifically two year old twins... specifically all boys. Got it?! To those of you who gave me the knowing sympathetic look, trying to pull Oliver from his abyss, thank you. I appreciate your understanding.
To my precious little ones, if you ever ask why you so rarely saw the inside of a grocery store, refer back to this story. Enough said.
Yes Michele, add this to the twin sweat list.
A photo of Oliver and Collin in the check out lane - stopped, of course. Much like the rest of the trip, Oliver is screaming and Collin is grabbing everything off the shelves and throwing it into the cart. Sigh... where is that fifth of Jack???
On a last note, our very sweet and very young cashier tried to help:
Our cashier: "You're too cute to be that upset little guy." (in a very caring sweet voice)
Oliver: "NO!!!!!" (shooting daggers at her that even made me jump out of the way)
Cashier in next aisle: "Um, maybe he just wants to be left alone."
Our cashier: "Yes, that thought occurred to me."
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