Saturday night, I was "that mom." While Steve and Ethan were at a pool party, I took the twins out on a couple short errands. Our first stop was Kohls, I just needed to look at a couple things. Unfortunately, Erin had our stroller and Kohls does not have carts. So, what could go wrong with twin two year old boys who are foot loose and fancy free? I'll tell you: Collin. That little turkey let go of my hand and darted as soon as we walked through the doors. I calmly started the "Collin, please stop. Collin, stop now. Collin... Collin... Collin..." as Oliver and I went after him. Collin merely turned to us with a huge smile and a loud giggle, then as we were within feet of him, he darted again. "Collin, get back here. Collin, I'm serious. Collin... Collin... Collin..." Oliver was practically on the floor laughing at this point as he thought it was hilarious, which only fed Collin's drive. Once I caught him, he had a little time out as I tried to discuss with him the severity of the behavior. I made him repeat "I no run" and agree five different ways not to run "otay mommy." (Oliver continued to giggle - he's a gigglier anyhow - but this did not help)
We started out okay, then it started again. I even tried having them sit on the floor, while I looked at something, which they did... then Collin race crawled off. Fast. Oliver said: "where did Collin go?" Huh?!! "Collin? Collin... Collin... Collin.... Collin...Collin..." Another time out. Another agreement, this one involving "no ice cream if this continues." I thought that would work, Collin is all about food. He seemed rattled by the no ice cream threat. But he's two, it didn't last.
In fact, it continued... five more times. Yes, I ended the trip short. Those five more times happened on the way out of the store. "Collin get back here. Collin... okay no ice cream... Collin... Collin... Collin... I'm serious Collin..." To top it off, Oliver decided (after a laughing fit over Collin's antics dropped him to his knees) to remain on the floor and crawl out... very slowly. If you haven't gotten that picture in your head yet, one is running fast ahead of me and the other is crawling slowly behind me. I swear to you, SWEAR, that I saw them quickly exchange "thumbs up" as if to say "good one! I think she's officially crazy now... messing with mom is so much fun! Mission completion."
When we finally all made it to the door to leave, well all of us but my sanity which was lost somewhere in the store... or years before... who really knows, they had a single stroller cart at the door (which there were none of when we walked in). And though they have always held our hands in parking lots, I grabbed that cart and promptly strapped Collin in, tightly, and held Oliver's hand as we went to the car. They giggled the entire time. No doubt still humored by their antics.
Lessons learned (after all, you always need a take away):
- Never go to stores that have no shopping carts without the twins pre-strapped down in the stroller.
- Two year olds live in the moment. They do what makes them happy or what makes their twin brother turn red and fall over giggling.
- Never say never. Never label "that mom."
- What worked for your first singleton, at two years of age, probably...er... definitely won't work for twin two year olds.
- Never believe a two year old when they say "I no run." and agree by saying: "otay mommy." As cute as it is, it's likely they are just lying to you... okay, it wasn't malicious, refer back to three bullets previous.
- Who says child leashes are ridiculous? Maybe there is something to be said for them.
- These situations are clearly the origin of gray hair. I swear eighteen more sprouted in our short 20 minutes inside Kohls, and those are just the ones I could see.
- This is also why wine was created. I'm convinced.
- Never threaten "no ice cream"... because after a shopping trip like that... who was I fooling? I wanted it more than them. Mommy needed a special treat... in lieu of the wine that was hours off yet. Yes, mommy has a small addiction to Jeni's ice cream...
- Jeni's ice cream makes everyone/everything better. However, do not savor such delicacies, instead just inhale it. The twins came at me with their spoons and their mouths open like baby birds once each of their cups were empty.
Which brings me to a new thought: I think in the future I might stop at Jeni's first and then lead them through our errands like the pied piper... I am sure they would have stuck close to me if that was the case. Maybe it would save some gray hair, sanity and less stories being told like: "tonight at Kohls, there was one of those moms that was chasing her kid, Collin, all over the place. I know his name because she said it about 10,001 times... I swear, when I am a mom, I'll never..."
Live and learn... and don't label "that mom"... because it's probably me...
Collin after Collin cleaned his cup, he was wanting my Mango Lassi and Riesling Poached Pear. Which I gave both of them because they are so darn cute and quite honestly, I didn't want to add a complete meltdown to the night at that point.